Monthly Archives: April 2014

Crying to Krishna.

by

Hare Krishna.

28th April, 2014,  Gurgaon.

Gaura-Kishora-Dasa-Babaji-Maharaja-22

For most of us, as we come into Krishna consciousness, the journey begins and we progress, at our own pace. A few days back HG Shyam Sundar Prabhu shared a quote by HH Radhanath. Maharaj said that we can see our progress in Krishna consciousness not by seeing last few years or months but by just seeing whether I have progressed in last 1 hour or half an hour, we can know how much we are progressing in Krishna consciousness.

Today morning when I looked back the last one hour I saw that I am indeed progressing but in the reverse direction. Most of the time I get impressed from the praise by merciful devotees or general feeling I get by looking at `karmis’ that I am very fortunate for having somehow taken the shelter of lotus feet of Lord Krishna and His devotees in the form of Srila Prabhupada and associating with devotees under ISKCON.

But as I looked back the last one hour today I realised that how my whole inner being is full of anarthas and all, if any, progress is just external, a show window, hiding a black and stone hard heart. A heart which is further quoted with thick viscous layers of envy, pride and complete attachment to material world.

The only difference is that today this diseased heart is crying. I wish to cry aloud to the Lord to save me. A  helpless call to my real father, my Guru and Krishna to save me as I find myself completely ill-equipped to overcome this external energy called `maya’. I am not able to control my mind, leave aside my mind, I can’t even control my tongue as to not to do prajalapa, not to criticise others, be gentle in interaction with non devotees but my acid covered, and sharp like a blade, tongue refuses to come under my control. I feel completely helpless.

I feel like running out in the open and cry to Krishna and cry and cry. The noose of `maya’ seems be wrapped tight around me neck that I feel like a puppet in her hands, sometimes she lets me loose like a toy and the moment I think I am free she pulls the noose and I realise my precarious position. Now, only Lord, or His devotees, can take pity on me and cut this noose else I am destined to remain a fake, someone who externally looks like a devotee but is completely hollow from inside.

I searched for a prayer and found this beautiful prayer from Sri Bhaktivinoda Thakura which reflected my pain, Gopinath Amar Upaya, surprisingly the picture I got for crying out to Lord on top also has Shri Gopinath’s in it !

gopīnāth, āmāra upāya nāi
tumi kṛpā kori’, āmāre loile,
saṁsāre uddhāra pāi

gopīnāth, porechi māyāra phere
dhana, dāra, suta, ghireche āmāre,
kāmete rekheche jeere

gopīnāth, mana je pāgala mora
nā māne śāsana, sadā acetana,
viṣaye ro ‘yeche ghora

gopināth, hāra je menechi āmi
aneka jatana, hoilo bifala,
ekhano bharasā tumi

gopīnāth, kemone hoibe gati
prabala indriya, bośī-bhūta mana,
nā chāre viṣaya-rati

gopīnāth, hṛdoye bosiyā mora
manake śamiyā, laho nija pāne,
ghucibe vipada ghora

gopīnāth, anātha dekhiyā more
tumi hṛṣīkeśa, hṛṣīka damiyā,
tāro ‘he saṁsṛti-ghore

gopīnāth, galāya legeche phāsa
kṛpā-asi dhori’, bandhana chediyā,
vinode koroho dāsa

TRANSLATION

O Gopinatha, I have no means of success, but if You take me, having bestowed your mercy upon me, then I will obtain deliverance from this world.

O Gopinatha, I have fallen into the perils of material illusion. Wealth, wife, and sons have surrounded me, and lust has wasted me away.

O Gopinatha, my mind is crazy and does not care for any authority. It is always senseless and has remained in the dark pit of worldly affairs.

O Gopinatha, I have accepted my defeat. All of my various endeavors were useless. Now You are the only hope.

O Gopinatha, how shall I make any advancement when my mind has come under the control of the powerful senses and does not abandon its attachment to materialism?

O Gopinatha, after sitting down in the core of my heart and subduing my mind, please wake me to You. In this way the horrible dangers of this world will disappear.

O Gopinatha, You are Hrsikesa, the Lord of the senses. Seeing me so helpless, please control these senses of mine and deliver me from this dark and perilous worldly existence.

O Gopinatha, the noose of materialism has become fixed around my neck. Taking up the sword of Your mercy and cutting this bondage, make this Bhaktivinoda Your humble servant.

I felt so helpless. I did not how to get out of this glum mood and pull myself to do something about it. Then, like a magic, I found this most beautiful quote by HH Mahanidhi Maharaj

you are living in someone’s house and crying, they are bound to ask you what is wrong. So Vrndavana is Radharani’s land and if you cry sincerely, She is sure to reciprocate sooner or late – See more at: http://harekrishnaquotes.com/category/quotes-category/authors/d-iskcon-sannyasis/mahanidhi-swami/#sthash.Cb1E6DnG.dpuf
If you are living in someone’s house and crying, they are bound to ask you what is wrong. So Vrndavana is Radharani’s land and if you cry sincerely, She is sure to reciprocate sooner or later. – See more at: http://harekrishnaquotes.com/category/quotes-category/authors/d-iskcon-sannyasis/mahanidhi-swami/#sthash.Cb1E6DnG.dpuf

If you are living in someone’s house and crying, they are bound to ask you what is wrong. So Vrndavana is Radharani’s land and if you cry sincerely, She is sure to reciprocate sooner or later.

I found my way. Go to Vrindavan and cry at the samadhi of Srila Prabhupada and then cry and beg for the mercy from Mahaprabhu and from Srimati Radharani. Yes, I will go to Dhama this week itself and cry and cry my heart out. And at the bodily level I will take some immediate service at the local centre whatever I may get, I will beg them for it. I hope and pray that some merciful vaishanava will take pity on this shudra and give me some service.

Finally, I have to learn to depend on Krishna’s strength and not my own.

Quotes-by-Mahanidhi-Swami-on-Crying-in-Vrndavana

If you are living in someone’s house and crying, they are bound to ask you what is wrong. So Vrndavana is Radharani’s land and if you cry sincerely, She is sure to reciprocate sooner or later. – See more at: http://harekrishnaquotes.com/category/quotes-category/authors/d-iskcon-sannyasis/mahanidhi-swami/#sthash.Cb1E6DnG.dpuf
If you are living in someone’s house and crying, they are bound to ask you what is wrong. So Vrndavana is Radharani’s land and if you cry sincerely, She is sure to reciprocate sooner or later. – See more at: http://harekrishnaquotes.com/category/quotes-category/authors/d-iskcon-sannyasis/mahanidhi-swami/#sthash.Cb1E6DnG.dpuf
If you are living in someone’s house and crying, they are bound to ask you what is wrong. So Vrndavana is Radharani’s land and if you cry sincerely, She is sure to reciprocate sooner or later. – See more at: http://harekrishnaquotes.com/category/quotes-category/authors/d-iskcon-sannyasis/mahanidhi-swami/#sthash.Cb1E6DnG.dpuf

All glories to the glorious Gaudia Vaishanava Pramapara.

All glories to Sri Guru and Gauranga.

All glories to Srila Prabhupada.

Ever merciful Tulasi Maharani

by

Hare Krishna

22rd April, 2014, Gurgaon.

vrinda-devism200

I had written in my previous two blogs about power of prayer (blog1, blog2) and then in another two blogs about most merciful Tulasi maharani (blog3, blog4). As I experience new realisations they make my faith firm in this most unusual spiritual journey.

During the last winter, unlike in the past, all the Tulasi Maharanis remained very healthy this year. Unfortunately, Gurgaon had some unseasonal rains after the winter was over and one of the eldest Tulasi could not survive the drastic change in the weather. I kept her in the sun later for many days but to no avail. I felt very sad as I shared a very special relationship with that particular Tulasi and felt very guilty that I did not bring her inside while it rained heavily few days. My wife suggested me to remove the dry stems and we can get a new Tulasi plant. Somehow I didn’t agree to that suggestion, my guilt of not taking good care of her made me keep her as it is. I kept on watering her her daily and prayed her to forgive me for not taking good care in the bad weather and begged her to come back.

It’s almost 2 months now, last a week  I saw a small green shoot coming out. Initially I thought that it was some wild plant growing on the side but after a few days I knew she has forgiven me as I could clearly  see it was Tulasi. She came back ! Here is the picture I clicked today morning.

photo 2T

I was so very happy, I was elated. I thanked her profusely and then ran inside to call my children and wife and showed them that how Tulasi maharani listened to my prayers from the and came back. They were surprised as they  had seen me watering dry stems since many weeks. Tulasi maharani is indeed the most merciful.

Tulasi Maharani Ki Jai !

CC Ādi 3.105-106: Advaita Ācārya considered the meaning of the verse in this way: “Not finding any way to repay the debt He owes to one who offers Him a tulasī leaf and water, Lord Kṛṣṇa thinks, ‘There is no wealth in My possession that is equal to a tulasī leaf and water.’

Madhya 22.125: After item twenty-six (meditation), the twenty-seventh is to serve tulasi, the twenty-eighth is to serve the Vaisnava, the twenty-ninth is to live in Mathura, the birthplace of Lord Krsna, and the thirtieth is to read Srimad-Bhagavatam regularly.

CC Antya 3.137: “Chant the Hare Kṛṣṇa mantra continuously and render service to the tulasī plant by watering her and offering prayers to her. In this way you will very soon get the opportunity to be sheltered at the lotus feet of Kṛṣṇa.”

KB 30
The gopis then began to address the tulasi plants: “ Dear tulasi, you are much beloved by Lord Krishna because your leaves are always at His lotus feet.”

SB 3.16.21: Srila Prabhupada writes in the purport ‘The goddess of fortune, Lakṣmī, is sometimes envious of the tulasī leaves which are placed at the lotus feet of the Lord, for they remain fixed there and do not move, whereas Lakṣmījī, although stationed by the chest of the Lord, sometimes has to please other devotees who pray for her favor’.

In his poem titled Sri Sankalpa-kalpadruma, Srila Visvanatha Cakravarti Thakura has prayed:

vrindavana-sthira-caran paripalayitri
vande tayo rasikayor ati-saubhagena
adhyasi tat kuru krpam ganana yathaiva
sri-radhika-parijanesu mamapi siddhet

O Vrinda-devi, O protectress of the moving and non-moving living entities in Vrindavana, you are wealthy in the mercy of the Divine Couple who enjoy pastimes in Vraja. Please be merciful to me. Please place me among Sri Radha’s associates.

he sri-tulasy uru-krpa-dyu-tarangini tvam
yan murdhni me carana-pankajam adadhasvam
yac caham apy apibam ambu manak tadiyam
tan me manasy udayam eti manoratho’yam

O Srimati Tulasi-devi, O celestial Ganges river of mercy, it is because I once placed my head at your lotus feet and drank some drops of water that washed your lotus feet, that these desires have risen in my heart.

kvaham parah sata-nikaty-anuviddha-cetah
sankalpa esa sahasa kva su-durlabhe’rthe
eka kalpaiva tava mam ajahaty upadhi-
sunyeva mantum adadhaty agater gatir me

O Srimati Tulasi-devi, how low I am, my heart pierced by hundreds of offenses! How exalted and difficult to attain is my aspiration! Your causeless mercy is my only hope. It is by Your mercy that I, who am so fallen, can have these desires in my thoughts.

All glories to Tulsai maharani.

All glories to Srila Prabhupada.

What is success in our spiritual life ?

by

Hare Krishna,

18th April, 2014, Gurgaon

supersoul[1]

For the past 10 days I am hooked on to listening again and again to another most enlightening lecture by HG Chaitanya Charan Prabhuji. In this particular lecture Prabhuji explains that verses 13.20-35, specially 13.22,  is the Bija Vakya of the Gitas last six chapters. ( Pl click here to listen to this lecture ). It’s a wonderful analogy and deep explanation but what caught my attention were the following words where Prabhuji explained what should be our consciousness when our desire for a particular service does not get materialised. Prabhuji is explaining verse 13.23 in the lecture

upadraṣṭānumantā ca bhartā bhoktā maheśvaraḥ

paramātmeti cāpy ukto dehe ‘smin puruṣaḥ paraḥ

TRANSLATION

Yet in this body there is another, a transcendental enjoyer, who is the Lord, the supreme proprietor, who exists as the overseer and permitter, and who is known as the Supersoul.

Here is the specific part of the lecture transcribed for the pleasure of Lord and His devotees.

Sometimes when we try to do some services and services don’t work, may be we don’t get the device we desire or people do not cooperate with us.  Because services don’t work we also have to understand that ultimately it is Krishna who is the sanctioner. And Krishna as the sanctioner means what ?  That it is not that Krishna doesn’t want the service to succeed. But it is that Krishna wants something more than the service to succeed, Krishna wants our purification, our education , our reformation. So in spiritual life success is not necessarily very straight forward.

Sometimes we may succeed in a service but we become proud by that success and in the sense we fail in that service. Because we have become proud through that service we have gone away from Krishna. Although we have done some service for Krishna we have gone away from Krishna through that service because we have become proud and we have created a wall between us and Krishna.

On the other hand some other the times our services may fail, in the sense we don’t get the desired result but if that makes us more humble and dependent on Krishna then we have come closer to Krishna and we have succeeded in that.

That’s why when we say Krishna is the ‘anumanta’ we have to have faith that Krishna is always our well-wisher.

So in general when we have faith in Krishna it is easy to have half faith in Krishna. What is the meaning of half faith ? There is Krishna’s power and there is Krishna’s wisdom.  So what happens when want to do something and it doesn’t works out. We pray Krishna please let this be done, Krishna please let this happen. Then what is our idea then that my intelligence and Krishna’s power, that will make things happen. We have  faith that Krishna is most powerful and if Krishna wants He will make thing happen. But faith in Krishna is not just faith in Krishna’s power but also in His intelligence. So that means Krishna knows better than us what is best for us. So when we understand that Krishna knows better than us what is best for us and then if we want to do something for Krishna we pray to Krishna that Krishna I feel this is best for me and for my service and this is how I want to contribute to Your mission. And if You feel it is good for me then please let this happen and if not then please help accept whatever You want and help me understand it and grow from it. So, we often have faith in Krishna’s strength but not in Krishna’s intelligence. So when we have complete faith in Krishna then we have faith in both His strength and intelligence. So we pray to Krishna for what we feel is good for the service but we also are willing to accept whatever Krishna gives to us. This `anumanta’ part is very important, by this we understand that Krishna is ultimately my well-wisher.

Otherwise, often many people like to serve God but as advisers !!!  God You should do like this, God You should do like that ! ……….

The idea is that when we understand that Krishna is ‘anumanta’ then we understand that His intelligence is far greater than ours and when we understand that His intelligence is far greater than ours then we accept whatever He allows, whatever He lets happen in the world.

All glories to HG Chaitanya Charan Prabhuji.

All glories to Srila Prabhupada.

HH Bhakti Charu Swami Maharaj visit Gurgaon

by

Hare Krishna.

14th April, 2014 Gurgaon.

It was our good fortune that HH Bhakti Chraru Swami visited Gurgaon yesterday for a day.

We received Maharaj at the airport, he was accompanied by HG GangaNarayan Prabhuji and HG Vimal Krishna Prabhuji from Ujjain. After a brief exchange Maharaj went for some meetings in Gurgaon with Atma Prabhu and some other devotees.

photo 11

Maharaj had promised to give darshan to everyone in the evening. Around 50-60 devotees gathered at the home of HG Radheshyam Prabhu to welcome Maharaj. Everyone was waiting anxiously while listening to wonderful kirtan led by HG Brajamohan prabhu from U.K. HG Vidurpriya prabhuji came all the way from Sri Radhaparthasathi temple, Delhi, to officially welcome Maharaj on behalf of Gurgaon devotees.

Maharaj arrived around 8 pm. He apologised is his ever sweet voice for being half an hour late. Maharaj then introduced two devotees who accompanied him and taught us so many things in the short lecture.

Maharaj first glorified Subodh Prabhu and then Paramjit Prabhu, a sikh gentleman whom he met in Dubai, he then glorified their family, their business and then further glorified Sikshism itself. Maharaj shared with us the  root and purpose of sikhism in such detail that, leave aside us, I am sure even many sikhs themselves would not know today.

Like a true teacher, Maharaj showed with his own behaviour, how we should interact with non devotees, innocents and other religions and win them over with love and humbleness. Like some expert craftsman he then connected Sikhism to drive home the point what is religion, defining it as

dharmam tu sakshad bhagavat-pranitam

He then spoke about love, what is actual love, what do we get from love – reciprocation and finally Joy. And then he spoke about what is the purpose of all religions- to love God, and finally dovetailed everyone’s minds at the lotus feet of Krishna. The fluency, conviction and ease with which Maharaj spoke extempore can not be matched by any corporate professional speaker. It shows us how Krishna’s and Srila Prabhupada’s kripa shakti is flowing via Maharaj. It is  a pity that I do not even have enough sukriti to forever absorb such golden words coming out from senior sanyasis and devotees.

photo 22

After the lecture Maharaj led a short but a very melodious kirtan. Again like magic everything fell perfectly into place, the mridang, the kartal, the harmonium, the acoustics of the hall, to accompany his golden voice, they all strained to ensure they do justice to the honour of serving his melodious voice. It was as if a grandmaster is playing a great symphony in a concert hall for the the pleasure of the Lord.

photo 33

Within minutes it became difficult for me to chose  between closing my eyes and experience Krishna or to keep the eyes open and drink the nector of Maharaj’s presence.

CC Madhya 21.114: “O My dear friend, what severe austerities have the gopīs performed to drink His transcendental beauty and sweetness through their eyes in complete fulfillment? Thus they glorify their births, bodies and minds.

First time in my life I felt that Brahmaji has actually not designed this body very well. And for the first time I understood, though only a litlte bit, what gopis felt when they complained about the imperfect design of their body.

CC Madhya 21.133: “When the onlooker of Kṛṣṇa’s face becomes dissatisfied in this way, he thinks, ‘Why didn’t the creator give me thousands and millions of eyes? Why has he given me only two? Even these two eyes are disturbed by blinking, which keeps me from continuously seeing Kṛṣṇa’s face.’ Thus one accuses the creator of being dry and tasteless due to engaging in severe austerities. ‘The creator is only a dry manufacturer. He does not know how to create and set things in their proper places.

CC Madhya 21.134: “‘The creator says, “Let those who will see Kṛṣṇa’s beautiful face have two eyes.” Just see the lack of consideration exhibited by this person posing as a creator. If the creator took my advice, he would give millions of eyes to the person who intends to see Śrī Kṛṣṇa’s face. If the creator will accept this advice, then I would say that he is competent in his work.’

I felt so constrained- why I can not I experience both – Seeing Maharaj as well as experiencing Krishna. I actually felt pained with this unique experience of feeling separation from Maharaj and Krishna while being right there experiencing both with my senses ! It was inconceivable what I was experience last evening. For the lack of a good vocabulary let me say it was an incredible experience which will stay forever in my heart.

Later, Maharaj met almost all the local devotees and distributed his love and affection to everyone.

photo 44

Whenever I meet or even see senior sanyasis like HH Gopal Krishna Goswami Maharaj, HH Giriraj swami Maharaj and so many others sanyasis and senior devotees in ISKCON I can’t help but pray and beg to six Goswamis and our Guru Paramapara to please give me an opportunity to serve such dedicated soldiers of Srila Prabhupada in some way.

All glories to HH Bhakti Charu Swami Maharaj.

All glories to Srila Prabhupada.

All glories to Sri Guru and Gauranga.

What does the name Radha means ?

by

Hare Krishna.

6th April, 2014, Gurgaon.

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Q: What does the name Radha means ?

Ans :

kṛṣṇa-vāñchā-pūrti-rūpa kare ārādhane

ataeva ‘rādhikā’ nāma purāṇe vākhāne   (CC Ādi 3.61)

TRANSLATION

Her worship [ārādhana] consists of fulfilling the desires of Lord Kṛṣṇa. Therefore the Purāṇas call Her Rādhikā.

Srila Prabhupada writes in his purport of this verse

The name “Rādhā” is derived from the root word ārādhana, which means “worship.” The personality who excels all in worshiping Kṛṣṇa may therefore be called Rādhikā, the greatest servitor.

Q: What is paravyoma ?

Ans : The spiritual sky is called paravyoma.

CC Madhya 21.50: “‘Between the spiritual and the material world is a body of water known as the river Virajā. This water is generated from the bodily perspiration of the Supreme Personality of Godhead, who is known as Vedāńga. Thus the river flows.’

CC Madhya 21.51: “‘Beyond the river Virajā is the spiritual nature, which is indestructible, eternal, inexhaustible and unlimited. It is the supreme abode, consisting of three fourths of the Lord’s opulences. It is known as paravyoma, the spiritual sky.

Q: Why is the material world called eka-pāda ?

Ans:

CC Madhya 21.55: “The spiritual world is considered to be three fourths of the energy and opulence of the Supreme Personality of Godhead, whereas this material world is only one fourth of that energy. That is our understanding.

CC Madhya 21.56: “‘Because it consists of three fourths of the Lord’s energy, the spiritual world is called tri-pād-bhūta. Being a manifestation of one fourth of the Lord’s energy, the material world is called eka-pāda.’

Q: When does Krishna descends to this world ?

Ans : Srila Prabhupada writes in his purport of CC Ādi 3.10:  From the beginning of Brahmā’s day of 4,320,000,000 years, six Manus appear and disappear before Lord Kṛṣṇa appears. Thus 1,975,320,000 years of the day of Brahmā elapse before the appearance of Lord Kṛṣṇa.

CC Ādi 3.6: Once in a day of Brahmā, He descends to this world to manifest His transcendental pastimes.

CC Ādi 3.7: We know that there are four ages [yugas], namely Satya, Tretā, Dvāpara and Kali. These four together constitute one divya-yuga.

CC Ādi 3.8: Seventy-one divya-yugas constitute one manv-antara. There are fourteen manv-antaras in one day of Brahmā.

CC Ādi 3.9: The present Manu, who is the seventh, is called Vaivasvata [the son of Vivasvān]. Twenty-seven divya-yugas [27 x 4,320,000 solar years] of his age have now passed.

CC Ādi 3.10: At the end of the Dvāpara-yuga of the twenty-eighth divya-yuga, Lord Kṛṣṇa appears on earth with the full paraphernalia of His eternal Vraja-dhāma.

All glories to Śrī Caitanya Caritāmṛta.

All glories to Sri Guru and Gauranga.

Is chanting a priority for me ?

by

Hare Krishna.

4th April, 2014, Gurgaon.

Quotes-by-Bhakti-Charu-Swami-on-Hearing-While-Chanting

HG Murari Prabhuji, from Jaipur, was in Gurgaon and though I could not get his association I could revisit an important parameter on my chanting.

Shyam Sundar Prabhuji shared with me the discussion he had with Prabhuji on improving his chanting. Murari prabhu told him that our chanting is only as good as the priority we give it. When Shyam Sunday Prabhu ji pushed him to elaborate on it, he asked him what does he do when he gets a call on the mobile while he is chanting. Shyam Sundar Prabhuji replied him that he stops his chanting and take the call and once the call is over he gets back to his chanting. Murari Prabhu then told him that if your Guru is sitting with you then would you still take the call. Shyam Sundar Prabhu ji replied that he never picks a call in the presence of his Guru. Murari prabhu then replied` So in your priority chanting is placed lower than your Guru’ ? This question obviously flummoxed Shyam Sundar Prabhuji and got him thinking. He said he will now ensure that he will give priority to chanting and will try not to get disturbed while chanting.

When prabhuji shared this conversation with me in the evening, I agreed that I too do the same, many a times, and this inspite of having heard so many lectures and seminars on not to do it. I told myself that I too will try to give priority to my chanting from now onwards and will consciously try not to get disturbed while chanting my rounds.

japa

All glories to HG Murari Prabhu.

All glories to Sri Nama Prabhu.

All glories to Sri Guru and Gauranga.

Serving as a servant of the devotees

by

Hare Krishna.

4th April, 2014, Gurgaon.

Quotes-by-Radhanath-Swami-on-Opportunity-To-Serve

I got up a little late today and for some strange reason instead of chanting I first reread the below lecture by HH Bhakti Charu Maharaj which came few days back.

http://www.bhakticharuswami.com/2011/07/11/sik%E1%B9%A3a%E1%B9%A3%E1%B9%ADakam-lecture-2-iskcon-radhadesh

In this lecture Guru Maharaj explained, among many other things,  why we have not developed any attraction for the Holy name ( durdaivam īdṛśam ihājani nānurāgaḥ Śikṣāṣṭakam second verse). Guru Maharaj then added that the next verse shows us the qualification of chanting the Holy Name

trinad api sunichena taror api sahishnuna
amanina manadena kirtaniyah sada harih [Śikṣāṣṭaka 3].

Translation

One should chant the holy name of the Lord in a humble state of mind, thinking oneself lower than the straw in the street; one should be more tolerant than a tree, devoid of all sense of false prestige and should be ready to offer all respect to others. In such a state of mind one can chant the holy name of the Lord constantly.

I could never connect these verses like this. Guru Maharaj says further `We have not been able to become tṛṇād api sunīcena taror api sahiṣṇunā amāninā mānadena. That’s why we are not able to kīrtanya sadā hariḥ.’

After reading the complete lecture I started my chanting but these lines remained somewhat in my mind.

Later, while taking a shower and listening to another lecture, I suddenly connected what HG Shyam Sundar Prabhu ji wrote the other day on service in the right mood (http://www.forthepleasureoflordkrishna.com/?p=992) and what Guru Maharaj spoke in the lecture. I realised that while appreciating the content of the mail HG Shayam Sundar Prabhuji wrote me and listening to so many lectures in the past about humility and serving attitude I never implemented them in practice. It is like I know that I am a soul not a body but still spend all my day in the bodily consciousness.

I rewind my last 3-4 discussions with devotees in last few days and immediately remembered my conversations with Vishal Kapil Prabhu, with Shyam Bihari prabhuji and with Shyam Sundar Prabhuji. I realised that in none of these conversations I had the attitude of serving them as their servant. I spoke politely but I had no attitude that a devotee has called me and I have to think myself as his servant and then do my best to serve him. Rather my fickle mind and poor intelligence was ever ready to give unwanted advice or add my own comments. I never once thought that I have to serve them. When I rewind further back, to my horror, I also realised that in many of my conversations with devotees I have already `judged’ them based on my narrow perception or what I have heard about them. So, not unlike a materialist, I talk to them accordingly and barring a few devotees there is neither love nor a sincere serving attitude in my conversations. Only a paper-thin external humility.

I felt so guilty that I immediately wrote a sms to Shyam Sundar Prabhuji, sharing my realisation and seeking a sincere apology from him. I then thought of calling other devotees as well and seek apology. Better sense prevailed on me, I thought rather than saying sorry to devotees and explaining to each of them over phone on what I realised, it will be better to put `serving as a servant attitude’ in practice first and ask for forgiveness when I meet them in person.image copied from http://www.gunagrahidasgoswami.org/english/wp-content/uploads/2010/01/trnad.jpg

I know it will be a herculean task for me to remember being a servant in every single conversation with each devotee but at least I will be conscious in few conversations where I can remember this realisation from now onwards. I pray at the lotus feet of Srila Prabhupada to kindly give me memory and intelligence to remember it forever.

All glories to Shyam Sundar Prabhuji.

All glories to Guru Maharaj.

All glories to Srila Prabhuapada.